Reviews of various things...

Suggested Soundtrack: Cat Powers, "Lived In Bars"



...or, if you like something a little more meloncholy, "The Greatest" (Live)



It's Saturday, and the family has left for "The Lake" for a weekend of lounging and wakeboarding and mosquitoes. I decided not to go, and consequently am bored beyond belief. After going to the outlet malls and stopping off for lunch, I'm back home running around in my underwear blasting music throughout the house. The dogs are going nuts. I've decided to to a "Review" post, to rate some of the stuff I've come across here in Texas. So, without further ado:

CAT POWER
I got a tip-off from my friend Brooke in California that a "Cat Power" show was coming to Dallas. I like cats, but empowering them and parading them in front of a paying audience is something I can't support. Realizing that Brooke wouldn't weigh me down with such inane bullshit , I googled "Cat Power" and found that it is the stage name of a popular indie musician who, besides having an adoring fan base and substantial credibility among critics, is also pretty hot. I was in. I ran my decision past Kelsea of The Wrong Trousers, who seconded my decision. The show was held at the (allegedly) famous Granada Theatre. I bought a ticket, convinced a co-worker to go with me, and headed out with high hopes. I had bought Cat Power's most recent album, "The Greatest," and was enjoying it immensely (kinda like a blues-y Feist with some Elliott Smith undertones and a lot of piano). The theatre was great.

Old, really old, with balconies and bars and all the seats taken out so there was terraced standing room. Beer in hand, I went upstairs to get a good view. Hot female musicians attract many hot female music fans, I discovered. After the opening act, the usual routine: lights go down, curtain comes up, everyone cheers; stage is revealed as empty, back to the beers; ten minutes later as stage is populated, everyone cheers; the people on stage turn out to be roadies, back to the beers; a solitary figure walks on stage and picks up a guitar, everyone cheers; he says "Check, check, one two" and leaves the stage, back to the beers. I hate this part of every show. Then she fianlly comes out, with a tiny terrier, and everyone (probably 400 people) goes freakin' nuts. What a great show. She kicked ass, her band (made up of semi-famous jazz and blues musicians, I heard) was on fire, and her dog made the occasional appearance. I had a powerful "Ah-HA!" moment as the hot female fans I had noticed earlier began pairing up and making out. I was at Lilith Fair Lite! But it was cool. Besides her stuff, she did three covers (New York, New York; Tracks of my Tears; Satisfaction) that were so different in music and cadence that it took a moment to figure out that I knew the song she was singing. After the show, Chan (Cat's real name, pronounced "Shawn," I was told) said goodnight and as people left, she told everyone that they were recording a live album during the show and that we all were welcome to stick around while they went through some of the songs again. So I did. Went right up front, since 60% of the people had left. Enjoyed another hour of music, and got to pet the dog, since she let him on stage. Great! Probably the best time I've had in Dallas so far. Hope to be able to share more good times in the future.


TRAFFIC
There is a peculiar custom here in Texas. This is in their terrible handling of traffic accidents. Namely, they leave them there. I've seen this a few times now. A car will rear-end another in the middle of the freeway, and officers arriving on scene will leave it sitting there. So a fender-bender can shut down a major freeway in rush hour traffic. You find yourself stopped on the interstate, late for work, and getting later, creeping slowly ahead. "If there isn't a dead body up there," you think, "if I don't see a dead human, in pieces, splayed across three lanes, I am gonna be PISSED." Sure enough, when you get to the bottleneck, you see flares shutting down a half mile of three lanes, a Jetta with minor front end damage sitting in the middle of it, and sixteen state troopers in cowboy hats with their thumbs looped into their belts, kicked back and chewin' the fat. "Stupid hicks!" you say. To yourself.


SUPERBAD

Go see it, or you are an idiot. If you go see it and you don't like it, I hate you. While we're there...



THE MOVIE THEATRE

I like the movie theatre because there is a five dollar early bird special and a staff that doesn't care how many movies I sneak into using that five dollar ticket. I don't like the movie theatre for the same reason I don't like most movie theatres, and that is becuse the urinals in the men's rooms never have partitions. A regular ticket costs ten bucks, popcorn costs six, and you can't install a five dollar piece of plywood between pissers so my penis can have a little privacy? Lame. To add insult to injury, Texas doesn't believe in paper towels. Yup, everywhere uses those terrible hand dryers. I wanna dry my hands, not move the water to my fingers and wrists.



CHICK-FIL-A

Wow. Californians are missing out. This was a pleasant surprise. I had asked a fellow trainee what to eat should I end up at Chick-Fil-A. I was told "You go in there and you get yerself a boxa the nuggets, and you get yerself the waffle fries, and a drink, and yer good." Cool. Coming back from shopping, I see a Chick-Fil-A, I remember JP's hot tip, and text Mike (my only friend here) for confirmation: "What do I get at chick-fil-a?" to which I recieve a prompt reply: "number 1." Okay. The number 1 is a chicken sandwich with waffle fries and a drink, so I got that AND the nuggets, and let me tell you, it was great. The nuggets especially. They're chunks of chicken, not the pieced together crap that McNuggets are made of, lightly battered and so on. Delicious. I know there's one in SD now, so go! and eat some nuggets. Not on Sundays, though. They've shunned the American economy by resting on the 7th day.

RESTROOMS AT WORK

As I voided my bladder the other day, I noticed something that had been in front of me since day one, right under my nose, that I had failed to see because it was so obvious. There is a shelf in front of the urinals. Why? you ask. I would ask the same thing. Until the aforementioned "other day" when I noticed the uncompleted brown ring of a coffee stain on the shelf, right under my nose. As it dawned on me that someone actually brought their coffee in to the pisser with them, mild disgust turned into outright horror when I heard the soft, strained grunt of a co-worker using the stall behind me (somebody's bakin' brownies!). How on earth could anyone enjoy coffee with the smell of fecal matter so stong in the air? I almost barfed, and I wasn't trying to consume a flavored beverage. Then, I remembered an old friend of mine who used to take his morning dump with a bowl of cereal in his lap. For him, it was the ultimate in time-saving. I'd rather be late. And I have a desk to set my coffee on, thanks anyway for the little ledge.

COMING HOME FOR A SPELL

YES!!! I just bought a ticket to visit!!! I'll be in San Diego from Friday, September 14th at 5:25pm through Sunday the 16th at 1:17pm. All I'm bringing is the clothes on my back and my board shorts. The reason for the visit is that I miss everyone terribly. Plus I'll be attending a party that's going on at the bay on Saturday. So, a rough schedule:

Friday night: Bar Hopping. You wanna go? Let me know!!

Saturday Day: Maybe breakfast (maybe) and the Bay Party goes from 11-4!! There will be booze and boats and maybe a waverunner!!!

Saturday Evening: Bars, then food, then bars

Sunday Morning: Church.

Sunday Morning, for real though: Breakfast (Eggery?), beach.

Sunday Afternoon: Bye Bye.

I hope that everyone will rearrange their schedules and cancel their appointments so that they can hang out with me. We'll see.

Until next time...